Almost all of my friends had brain explosions last night while watching the return of Battlestar Galactica. The episode was nothing if not the beginning of the end, literally and in tone. We found out who the Final Cylon is - Ellen Tigh?!! - and that Earth had been inhabited by CYLONS, not Humans. Dualla lived out her last day with a smile, and then shot herself in the head. Roslin, defeated, burned the book of Pythia, Adama tried to get Tigh to kill him. And Starbuck...Starbuck died when her Viper exploded in Maelstrom. So what is she?
Well, that leads to my question: What are they all? And my answer: I think they're all Cylons. And here's the breakdown of my theory, for posterity, in case I'm right. And in case I'm wrong (which I normally am, because the writers on this show are far more clever and evil than I am).
- In Chief's flashback to 2000 years ago, he was wandering around a Farmer's Market I didn't see a single face I recognized other than his.
- We know that was an entire planet of Cylons.
- Kara is something other than Human. She died in her Viper, yet returned in her brand new Viper, missing two whole months (but thinking it'd been a few hours). And now even Leoben is scared of her.
- There's these Humans. They create a new race, Cylons, robots that look like robots, then robots that look like people. Then the Humanoid Cylons rebel against the Humans, and kill them all.
- Now the Humanoid Cylons feel and have bones and blood and organs, can breed. And do. And populate an entire planet.
- They evolve further. They live whole lives as individuals, and when they die, they reincarnate, with their memories intact.
- Eventually they rebel against each other. And fight. And nuke their own planet. And die. I think maybe was the old toaster models that rebelled and nuked the planet.
- A few Humanoid Cylons reincarnate. They start to repopulate. They call themselves Human. They remember what happened, and so they create the Seven Models, the ones that can Download. The ones who, essentially, can't die. And they program these models so that they aren't allowed to even think about the Five. The ones who created them.
- At some point they forget that they were ever Cylons. The Seven Cylon models (plus the Centurions and Raiders) never know that the "Humans" are Cylons too, and they rebel against them, again.
- This has happened before, it will happen again.
This show, man.